If Graduation Announcements Were Accurate

I'm currently in the process of designing dainty graduation announcements to make people feel a deep need to donate money to the cause of my higher education. This is an exceptionally brilliant scheme.

Of course, an honest graduation announcement would look like this:

I could go on and on.

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Graduation invite screenshots courtesy of Tiny Prints, where I will be ordering some not so tongue-in-cheek invites in the weeks to come.

An Ode to John Keats

John Keats, how you repulse me. You and your flowery diction and obscure vocabulary - it disgusts me. I suffered through your excretions of wit for many an English class period. Yes, Romantics, I despise your god. To properly portray my feelings toward this dilettante, I composed the following verse.

Just sit there and think about what you've done

An Ode to John Keats

 by Michelle Rash

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains my sense as of your poetry I read

To loathe your overwhelming poesy hath my heart decreed

My spirit, too weak; thy diction, too deep

I am not even permitted the gentle luxury to weep

Thou speaks of Arcady and Attica and Greece

Of love and war and paradox, in which I find no peace

I was once full of sweet dreams and quiet breathing

Then poetry abounded, the importance of which I found deceiving

I linger in the soul-searching despair of the tomb

Hoping Hemingway and Twain will emerge from the gloom

Authors of straightforward narrative, of prose!

Not as if you could ever recognize those

At least by your profound questioning, your mind appears to be alight

Your queries are most significant, such as “Why Did I Laugh Tonight?”

You write of a golden-tongued Siren with lute

If I spoke like that, I’d prefer to be mute

Dryads and faeries amuse you to no end

After pages of this, even Meyers is a godsend!

Yes, a thing of beauty is a joy forever

Yet your poems are counted in this category, approximately never

As my mental end draws near, I have but one request

Give me Dickens or give me death!

Narcissus's Anthem

I have a new favorite Broadway cover. 

This gem was Santino Fontana's audition for Frozen. As may be expected, he got the part.

I cannot begin to describe my love for this cover. I laughed convulsively the first seven times I listened to this.

This is my new official audition song for any and all musical activities. 

Monty Python and the Holy Grave

Two things:

A) The above title has little to do with the actual content of this post. I just thought the allusion and the double entendre were too cheesy to leave out. (Holy Grail <- Holy Grave -> Holey Grave) Heh heh heh. The Pythons never did any sketches related to graves...

B) The above point is invalid; observe the "Undertaker Sketch"

I digress.

As anyone who has ever asked me about comedy knows, I adore Monty Python. I love the subtleties and word play of their sketches, the allusions and the incongruities and the cross dressing. Most people are familiar with "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", but are not familiar with the true masterwork of the troupe: Monty Pythons's Flying Circus.

One of my favorite things about comedy is that it offers a level playing field for debate. Sometime issues are so big and scary that no one can ever have a proper conversation about them. Comedy breaks down those barriers. If you can laugh about something, it isn't so scary any more. 

Monty Python mastered the art of satirizing current events in their sketches. Most people familiar with the show know of classics like "The Parrot Sketch" or "The Lumberjack Song." These sketches are humorous based on their incongruities, clever scripts, and caricatures. They are hilarious, but not deep.

Other sketches, less familiar, are poignant. I submit two such sketches for your consideration.

"The Mouse Problem"

"Dennis Moore"

Oh, good, you're back! Did you catch the satire? Let's discuss.

"The Mouse Problem" was in the second episode of the show, and aired in 1969. Anyone living in the UK would have known that it was a parody of the attitude toward homosexuals in the UK. The format of the sketch mimes real interview techniques that news shows had implemented to learn more about the "secret life of gay men." I picked up on the parody without having to look it up - this sketch is still relevant in the present day United States. Being the comedians that they were, this sketch also managed to poke fun at police officers, and naturally, chartered accountants.

"Dennis Moore" is a rather obvious mockery of socialism. Socialism was a key issue at the time - the Soviet Union had recently invaded Czechoslovakia and the proponents of socialism and communism were in the midst of a heated debate. I particularly love the line "Blimey, this redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought!" In typical Python fashion, this sketch also manages to poke fun at Robin Hood and the aristocracy.

I shall reiterate my love for this show. Not only did Monty Python invent a brand of comedy so unique that it could only be described as Pythonesque, they managed to make biting social statements as well. They showed little mercy - British politician Reginald Maudling is better known for his constant humiliation on the show than any policy he actually implemented. I think this show was one of the greatest convergences of intelligence and humor to ever grace a television screen. Thank God for the internet and BBC reruns!

For next week's episode of Archaic British Comedy, I have a cunning plan! Blackadder.

How Old Would You be if You Didn't Know How Old You Were?

How Old Would You be if You Didn't Know How Old You Were?

"What a silly question," I thought to myself.

Then I paused for a moment of reflection.

Today, I celebrated my birth.  It is not a milestone year like 16 or 18 or 21 or 50. I celebrated with flowers and tiramisu and a mini photoshoot courtesy of my brother

Fabulous, I know. Fashion blog material?

According to Western culture, I am 17, because I made the arduous journey down the birth canal 17 years ago to the day. 

I don't always feel 17. Sometimes I feel like a 60 year old British citizen, reliving my youth by watching Monty Python's Flying Circus. I can't decide which I love more: the satire, the wordplay, or the cross-dressing. Sometimes I feel like a 8 year old with excessively vigilant parents. Sometimes I feel like a 23 year old, independent and assertive. I am happy watching a documentary film or a Disney film. I feel many ages.

That does not answer the question. If age was not used as the standard of competence, where would I be in life today? I think I would be in one of two situations.

I would be lost in a hallowed library of some ancient university. I would study all the subjects I wanted to study. I would drink coffee and listen to Tchaikovsky. I would practice wit and become utterly immersed in many topics. I would be an old soul.

Or

I would be off in some remote part of the world. I would travel and explore. I would go hang gliding and cliff diving. I would try exotic foods and meet exotic people. I would be a reckless adventurer.

Here I sit, 17 years old. I am not a scholar; I am not an explorer. I am on the brink of adulthood and the precipice of childhood. I can become an old soul or a reckless adventurer or a combination of both. I think the most valuable lessons will come through the "becoming." Life is about becoming; it is about growing and learning and changing. Life is about making mistakes and admitting you made them. Life is about people, good people and bad people and the effects they have on you and you have on them. Life is about sunsets and laughter and silly jokes and deep discussions and experiencing what can be experienced. And perhaps, just perhaps, life involves a little faith rather than a lot of skepticism. Perhaps a part of growing up is doubting everything that you were ever told was true, and eventually coming to terms with the fact that neither you nor all the scientists in the world can explain everything. Perhaps life is about discovering and connecting with God. And perhaps I haven't reached that point yet.

I digress; I am avoiding the question.

 How Old Would You be if You Didn't Know How Old You Were?

My answer? 

Any age I wanted to be.